IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.
The graphs below
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 working in various sectors in
town
Use synonyms
 A and
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in the year 1960 and 2010. In 1960, the
people
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 working in the manufacturing
sector
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 in
town
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 A and
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 has the highest percentage compared to the sales and services
sector
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. In 2010,
although
Linking Words
 more than half of the
people
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 still work in the manufacturing
sector
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 in
town
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B
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, 64% of the
people
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 now work in the services
sector
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 in
town
Use synonyms
 A.
While
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 working in the services
sector
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increase
Change the form of the verb
increased
show examples
 significantly from 1960 to 2010 in
town
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 A, from 29% to 64%, in
town
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B
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, only a slight increase can be observed, from 10% to 25%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, fewer
people
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 work in the sales
sector
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 in
town
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 A in 2010 compared to 1960, where
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
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 of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 plummet from 30% to 16%,
although
Linking Words
 not much change can be seen in
town
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B
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. 
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, more significant changes in working sectors can be seen in
town
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 A compared to
town
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B
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, town, b, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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