IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1
#minutes #bar #sales #billions #dollars #games #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the
sales
 of four main types of digital
games
 during the period from 2000 to 2006 around the world. The most significant change is that mobile
games
 passed online
games
 in 2005;
however
, online
games
 suddenly surged from roughly 5 to 10,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005 and 2006 respectively. It is
also
 interesting to note that online
games
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had 0 billion
sales
 globally
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000,
while
 it now has
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 greatest share of
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
games
 market. Another notable trend is console
games
, It started with
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 most
sales
(6
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
)
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000,
while
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 gain a downward trend during the period from 2000(6billions) to 2006(3
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
).
In contrast
, handheld
games
 had a stable increase throughout the period.
Overall
, handheld
games
 remains its dominant market position since 2000, and online
games
 and mobile phone
games
 are now
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the market. The least
sales
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 console
games
, and it is still declining every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
.
Submitted by aslenxd on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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