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Band 6.5

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the
sales
Use synonyms
 of four main types of digital
games
Use synonyms
 during the period from 2000 to 2006 around the world. The most significant change is that mobile
games
Use synonyms
 passed online
games
Use synonyms
 in 2005;
however
Linking Words
, online
games
Use synonyms
 suddenly surged from roughly 5 to 10,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005 and 2006 respectively. It is
also
Linking Words
 interesting to note that online
games
Use synonyms
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had 0 billion
sales
Use synonyms
 globally
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000,
while
Linking Words
 it now has
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 greatest share of
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 market. Another notable trend is console
games
Use synonyms
, It started with
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 most
sales
Use synonyms
(6
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
)
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000,
while
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 gain a downward trend during the period from 2000(6billions) to 2006(3
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
).
In contrast
Linking Words
, handheld
games
Use synonyms
 had a stable increase throughout the period.
Overall
Linking Words
, handheld
games
Use synonyms
 remains its dominant market position since 2000, and online
games
Use synonyms
 and mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 are now
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the market. The least
sales
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 console
games
Use synonyms
, and it is still declining every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
.
Submitted by aslenxd on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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