IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

#minutes #bar #sales #billions #dollars #games #report #university #lecturer #information #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the
sales
 of four main types of digital
games
 during the period from 2000 to 2006 around the world. The most significant change is that mobile
games
 passed online
games
 in 2005;
however
, online
games
 suddenly surged from roughly 5 to 10, in 2005 and 2006 respectively. It is
also
 interesting to note that online
games
 had 0 billion
sales
 globally in 2000,
while
 it now has the
second greatest
Add a hyphen
second-greatest
show examples
 share of the digital
games
 market. Another notable trend is console
games
,
It
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
 started with the second most
sales
(6 billion) in 2000,
while
 they gain a downward trend during the period from 2000(6billions) to 2006(3 billion).
In contrast
, handheld
games
 had a stable increase throughout the period.
Overall
, handheld
games
 remains its dominant market position since 2000, and online
games
 and mobile phone
games
 are now second and third place in the market. The least
sales
 are console
games
, and it is still declining every year.
Submitted by aslenxd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: