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Band 3.5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
Mass
Correct article usage
The mass
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 population is becoming alarming in many cities and suggestions by the government are that some firms and organizations should move to the outskirts. The advantage outweighs the disadvantages and
such
 are in the cases where there is
large
Add an article
a large
the large
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 decline in businesses and
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 chance to access
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 technology. Though people claimed that working in remote
areas
 provides the employee with a healthier environment,
however
,
due to
 the
shabbily
Change the adverb
shabby
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 transport system, the road might be inaccessible when employees commute to work.
This
 can cause workers to resign when they
are face
Change the verb form
are faced
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 with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 difficulties and that can affect the output of that organization compared to working in urban
areas
 where tarred roads are accessible
Secondly
, there are more opportunities and exposure to
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to that of the city. These new
mechanization
Change the determiner
mechanizations
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 are important to help one in various aspects of life.
For example
, minimizing delays for file exchange,
documents
Change the noun form
document
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 uploads and research for either work or study are important criteria in the working environment and less frequent relief breaks
such
 as watching
TVs
Fix the agreement mistake
TV
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 and playing games could occur which is caused by poor network signals at the outskirts. Conclusively, the government's plan to move businesses
in
Change preposition
from
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 urban to rural
areas
 is not the best approach as it will hinder the economy,
instead
, the authority should consider expanding the urban or improving the facilities in the modern
areas
 to overcome the serious issue of overpopulation in the cities.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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