In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Mass
Correct article usage
The mass

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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population is becoming alarming in many cities and suggestions by the government are that some firms and organizations should move to the outskirts. The advantage outweighs the disadvantages and
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

are in the cases where there is
large
Add an article
a large
the large

The noun phrase large decline seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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decline in businesses and
lower
Correct article usage
a lower

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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chance to access
advance
Replace the word
advanced

The word advance doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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technology. Though people claimed that working in remote
areas
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

provides the employee with a healthier environment,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
shabbily
Change the adverb
shabby

It appears that the adverb shabbily is attempting to modify the noun transport. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

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transport system, the road might be inaccessible when employees commute to work.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can cause workers to resign when they
are face
Change the verb form
are faced

It appears that the form of the verb face does not work with are in this sentence.

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with
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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difficulties and that can affect the output of that organization compared to working in urban
areas
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

where tarred roads are accessible
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are more opportunities and exposure to
advance
Replace the word
advanced

The word advance doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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technology
compare
Wrong verb form
compared

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb compare. Consider changing it.

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to that of the city. These new
mechanization
Change the determiner
mechanizations

It appears that the plural demonstrative These is modifying the singular noun mechanization. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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are important to help one in various aspects of life.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, minimizing delays for file exchange,
documents
Change the noun form
document

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of documents. Consider changing it to singular.

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uploads and research for either work or study are important criteria in the working environment and less frequent relief breaks
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as watching
TVs
Fix the agreement mistake
TV

It seems that TVs may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and playing games could occur which is caused by poor network signals at the outskirts. Conclusively, the government's plan to move businesses
in
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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urban to rural
areas
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is not the best approach as it will hinder the economy,
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the authority should consider expanding the urban or improving the facilities in the modern
areas
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to overcome the serious issue of overpopulation in the cities.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urban congestion
  • quality of life
  • pollution
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • economic development
  • job opportunities
  • local economies
  • affordable housing
  • standard of living
  • well-being
  • isolation
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • education facilities
  • entertainment facilities
  • community ties
  • social networks
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • development
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