IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the world. What are your opinions on this? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experienc

#ou #minutes #topic #children #games #reason #violence #crime #cities #world #experienc
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In today's fast pacing world adolescents are given
upsurging
Correct article usage
an upsurging
show examples
 amount of exemption for doing whatever they want ,
therefore
 youngsters give preferences to violence in
games
 to feel cool ,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 the reason for the violence in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.I opine that
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 should set the barrier to avoid
such
games
.Let us discuss these arguments followed by my opinion in the ensuing paragraphs.
To begin
 with , Children nowadays are very much into playing
games
 online
instead
 of playing them physically.To illustrate , there was an article published by 'The Tribune' ,
stated
Correct pronoun usage
that stated
show examples
 that
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 in today's world
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more fond of
playstations
Correct your spelling
PlayStations
 and that's not aiding them in any case. To put some forth light people are somewhere or the other are drowning their mental health by giving weightage to aggressive
games
.
Furthermore
,
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
such
 rowdy
games
 may lead to harm the society in multifarious ways.
For instance
, There was a game named 'Blue Whale',
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 destroyed
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 amount of adolescent's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of them led to take their lives because of
this
 game .
Additionally
 , Young
one's ignore
Change the verb form
one ignores
show examples
 the fact that these
games
 are playing with their mind and damaging
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mental health. In my opinion,The making of these
games
 should be banned or there should be proper
cautious
Replace the word
caution
show examples
 mentioned before playing these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of
games
.To clarify,there was a survey conducted by the National Sample Survey Office (New Delhi) which stated that 100 out of 200 children are playing these
games
 as they are provided online without any proper
cautious
Replace the word
caution
show examples
.I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 these
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
 of sports should maintain some age guidelines before serving them publically. To encapsulate, Parents of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents should keep a check on their younger
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
, as they need them to develop
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.To relish their time tomorrow one should have a good history.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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