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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The provided charts give information about the outcome of a survey of teenagers' activities which include cultural and leisure activities conducted on both males and females. It can be clearly seen that playing computer games is the most attractive activity for boys.
Whereas
Linking Words
, most of the girls are attracted to dancing. Computer games are preferred by 34% of male teenagers for their leisure activities. In comparison with the female
group
Use synonyms
, the figure for girls is just only 16%, which is half of that of the male
group
Use synonyms
.
Besides
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 that, the number of girls choosing reading is 21%, which is ten times larger than that of the boys (2%).
Furthermore
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, the figure for listening to music activity shares the same trend between these two groups, at 10%.
On the other hand
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, basketball accounts for 26% of the male
group
Use synonyms
, which is the second most preferred activity of
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, soccer and skateboarding constitute 17% and 11% respectively. Meanwhile, dancing, gymnastics and netball make up 27%, 11% and 15% respectively in the female
group
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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