IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs below show the number of hours people spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below show the number of hours people spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The line graph illustrates, the time spent on social media namely Facebook,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, linked in and
snapchat
Change the capitalization
Snapchat
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the pie chart represents the purpose of
usage
Use synonyms
 in a day from 2010-2016.
Overall
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people used snap chat and the least being
linkedIn
Change the capitalization
LinkedIn
show examples
users in a day. In regards to
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 why they used social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
,
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
show examples
 percentage of people used
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
 CORRECT PRONOUN
USAGE
Use synonyms
 it for It seems that there is a pronoun problem here. show examples communication purpose ,
while
Linking Words
 only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 proportions were noted for watching videos. When observing the line graph, most of the public preferred Snapchat and they spent at least 5
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of 2010 and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak in 2012 for 6
hours
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
usage
Change preposition
of usage
show examples
 and later faced a little downfall to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2014, and the continued to rise in regards of time in 2016. when compared with Snapchat, LinkedIn started as a
platue
Correct your spelling
place
till
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2012 and with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dramatic rise of
usage
Use synonyms
 up to 2
hours
Use synonyms
 till 2014 and later continued to slide down. The Pie chart shows a greater percentage of about 58 is been used for communication purposes,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 28% for shopping and the lowest
been
Add a missing verb
has been
show examples
 used for streaming videos.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: