IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is money or job satisfaction more important to consider when choosing a career?

#money #job #satisfaction #career
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The argument when money or
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
first
Use synonyms
 highly depends
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the age of individuals regardless of the career they choose from.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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it is clear that
Linking Words
 there are some professions which are better paid than others, it is the
experience
Use synonyms
 that determines how
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 a candidate can get. Obviously,
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 would like to become a wealthy person and
therefore
Linking Words
 be able to buy
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
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,
such
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 as a house, a car and have the opportunity to travel around the world and have new experiences. Based on
this
Linking Words
, we could say that the highest the wage, the better the individual
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
However
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, you will not be able to achieve
this
Linking Words
 at
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms
, not only because some
experience
Use synonyms
 is needed to be on board in
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 role, but
also
Linking Words
 because you need the
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity to show up.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction goes beyond the economic benefits, it has to deal more with the goals a person can deliver and the
appeciation
Correct your spelling
appreciation
 received in return.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when a
pressional
Correct your spelling
professional
 reach
this
Linking Words
 point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 career is because it has become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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popular within
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 field, because of the results delivered,
therefore
Linking Words
recongnition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 is the award received in return. Once, you have become
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a recognized professional the opportunities will look for you and not all the
way
Use synonyms
 around as it happened before, when you very
first
Use synonyms
 started to gain
experience
Use synonyms
.
Top
Correct your spelling
To
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 sum up, money is a very important good for everyone because has the ability in
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 to increase
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 happiness.
However
Linking Words
, when you very
first
Use synonyms
 start your career, a
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity will be
way
Use synonyms
 more important than satisfaction.
In contrast
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,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 you gain enough
experience
Use synonyms
 and start
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 an outstanding worker you will get
recongnition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 many opportunities to enjoy what you do and be well paid, which is
by
Add the comma(s)
,by
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 the
way
Use synonyms
, the best
job
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
earth
Add an article
the earth
show examples
.
Submitted by jasellhorn on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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