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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The amount of people achieving
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in Britain, both female and male, over the span of three
differing
Replace the word
different
show examples
 periods with a gap of ten years in between, is displayed in
this
Linking Words
 bar chart. Part-time
education
Use synonyms
 had increased for both sexes over the years from 1970/71 to 1990/91. In 1970/71, the number of females
half
Add a missing verb
was half
show examples
 of that when compared to males.
This
Linking Words
 discrepancy was most likely
due to
Linking Words
 the stigma surrounding women studying in higher
education
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, full-time
education
Use synonyms
 incrementally rose for women over
this
Linking Words
 time range
while
Linking Words
 it had decreased for men. The number of males declined to approximately 900 from 1000,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of females that had enhanced from 780 to 1100 throughout 1970/71-1990/91.
Education
Use synonyms
 has become more prominent in the developing world in order to obtain secure careers.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why higher learning is enhancing in the general population over the years.
Submitted by tarafrau1622 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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