IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The flow chart depicts the figure of tourists to a monumental center in UK during the two seasons of the year in 2003.

The flow chart depicts the figure of tourists to a monumental center in UK during the two seasons of the year in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the museum saw a large influx of visitors during the summer than
the
Change preposition
during the
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 winter period all through the hours of the day. It is represented in time.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at
ninth
Change the article
the ninth
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 hour, about 200 people visited the historian site during the cold compared to 400 visitors in the
warmth
Replace the word
warm
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 period.
Likewise
Linking Words
, at 10 am, the number of tourists during the chill rise to about 450
while
Linking Words
 the heat period at the same hour was 1,300.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by 11:am, the figure peaked
to
Change preposition
at
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 500 during the winter
while
Linking Words
summer
Change preposition
in summer
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 was 1,400; the number (500) was maintained at 12pm but the sunshine climate peaked
to
Change preposition
at
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 1600 (the highest figure of the chart). In continuance, at 13th hour, there
were
Change the verb form
was
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decline
Add an article
a decline
the decline
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 in both temperance at 400 and 1200 for wintertime and summertime respectively. The
redundance
Correct your spelling
redundancy
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 was continued at 2pm at 150 and 1000 for both
climate
Change to a plural noun
climates
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. From 3pm to 6pm, no
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
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 visit the museum during the cold
while
Linking Words
 sunshine saw 900 tourists at 3pm, 500 at 4pm, 400 at 5pm and no
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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 at 6pm.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pm with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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