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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country
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The given pie graphs reveal the proportion of time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working adults
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent on particular
activities
Use synonyms
 in a country between 1958-2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, working was the most significant activity for a working adult for both years, but going to work and going out/other
activities
Use synonyms
 took the least percentages of
day
Use synonyms
 in 1958 and 2008 respectively. In 1958, working took nearly 1/3 of a
day
Use synonyms
 of an adult.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sleeping was
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 32% of
Use synonyms
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
. Going out with friends or family members was higher than the combination of relaxing at home and other
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as hobbies or playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. Travelling
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home contributed 2% to daily
activities
Use synonyms
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 approximately took half an hour a
day
Use synonyms
. Fifty years later, working and going to work took half of a
day
Use synonyms
 of an adult
whereas
Linking Words
 sleeping time
approximately
Add a missing verb
was approximately
show examples
 1/4 of a
day
Use synonyms
 which was reduced by 7
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 compared to 1958. Other 1/4 of
time
Correct pronoun usage
my time
show examples
spended
Correct your spelling
spent
show examples
 by relaxing at home, going out with other people, and
other
Add a missing verb
doing other
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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