IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the information average of the number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003

The line graph shows the information average of the number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003
#line #information #visitors #museum #summer #winter
The graph is showing information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the average
number
 of
visitors
 that are entering
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
museum
 in
summer
 and
winter
 in the year 2003.
Overall
, the
line
 graph is seen in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ascending and descending order. The horizontal
line
 represents the
number
 of
visitors
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and the time spent in the
museum
, in a vertical
line
. The time spent by
visitors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more in
Summer
 than in
Winter
. The highest
number
 of
visitors
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 seen in
Summer
,
while
 the lowest are in
Winter
. In
Summer
, the highest
number
 of
visitors
 is 1500,
while
 the lowest
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 less than 200 people entering the
museum
 from 0 to 1800
times
. The
line
 starts from 0 and
ascend
Change the verb form
ascends
show examples
 to 1200
visitors
 to the highest
number
 of 1500, before it begins to descend downward to 1800
times
. The straight
line
 graph represents
Summer
 and the
doted
Correct your spelling
dotted
show examples
 lines,
Winter
.
Winter
 is seen in a similar pattern as the
Summer
 except that the
number
 of
visitors
 in
Winter
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not up
those
Change preposition
to those
show examples
 entering
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
museum
 in
Summer
. The highest
number
 of
visitors
 is 600, entering 1000 to 1200
times
. It started from 0, where the
doted
Correct your spelling
dotted
show examples
 lines ascended to 500 persons entering at 1000
times
 to 1100 and it reaches the peak level of 1200
times
 before it begins to go
downward
Replace the word
down
show examples
 to 0
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
 of 1400
times
 and
then
 it remains at a flat
line
 to 1800
times
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, museum, summer, winter, line, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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