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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the information average of the number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003

The line graph shows the information average of the number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003
#line #information #visitors #museum #summer #winter
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The graph is showing information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the average
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
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 that are entering
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
museum
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 in
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 in the year 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
line
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 graph is seen in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ascending and descending order. The horizontal
line
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 represents the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and the time spent in the
museum
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, in a vertical
line
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. The time spent by
visitors
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more in
Summer
Use synonyms
 than in
Winter
Use synonyms
. The highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 seen in
Summer
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest are in
Winter
Use synonyms
. In
Summer
Use synonyms
, the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 is 1500,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 less than 200 people entering the
museum
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 from 0 to 1800
times
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. The
line
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 starts from 0 and
ascend
Change the verb form
ascends
show examples
 to 1200
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the highest
number
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 of 1500, before it begins to descend downward to 1800
times
Use synonyms
. The straight
line
Use synonyms
 graph represents
Summer
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 and the
doted
Correct your spelling
dotted
show examples
 lines,
Winter
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.
Winter
Use synonyms
 is seen in a similar pattern as the
Summer
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 except that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
Winter
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not up
those
Change preposition
to those
show examples
 entering
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
museum
Use synonyms
 in
Summer
Use synonyms
. The highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 is 600, entering 1000 to 1200
times
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. It started from 0, where the
doted
Correct your spelling
dotted
show examples
 lines ascended to 500 persons entering at 1000
times
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 to 1100 and it reaches the peak level of 1200
times
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 before it begins to go
downward
Replace the word
down
show examples
 to 0
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
 of 1400
times
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 it remains at a flat
line
Use synonyms
 to 1800
times
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, museum, summer, winter, line, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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