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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families.

#people #countries #time #families #happen #effects
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Recently, there has been an increasing direction in many nations where
people
 are spending most of their
given
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time in their own corners far away from their families. The possible reasons why
this
 is happening
as well as
 the consequences of
this
 current trend will be discussed in the essay. The two main reasons are mostly studies and future prospects. Most youngsters, especially from developing countries are heading to foreign universities since
such
 quality education can not be provided in their home country. To illustrate, post-graduation courses hold many
people
 from overseas, resulting in students staying far from their families in order to partake in the classes.
In addition
, experienced
people
 tend to go to distant places in order to advance their careers and improve their working conditions. Sometimes
people
 will be given a chance to join a luxury company with a great salary.
Such
 opportunities
to
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them
Correct pronoun usage
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are once a lifetime,
therefore
 making it hard to refuse and end up moving to distant locations and spending most of their year in that place.
However
, there are some bad consequences despite the great advantages. First and foremost, sending a child for
further
 studies to another
different
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country is not only
challenging
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for them but for their parents
also
. They will be constantly worried and tensed since they will not be able to provide emotional support to their children, which they may require in a distant place.
Secondly
, if a person is married and doing a job across the country, they will not be able to facilitate their kid's crucial learning skills and 'be there' for them,
as a result
 creating a psychological wall between the parent and offspring.
To conclude
,
people
 who spend most of their dates away from their families have completely understandable reasons.
Nonetheless
,
this
 circumstance is causing psychological strain on both sides.
Submitted by supercalifragilisticexpliadocious on

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task response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear response to the given prompt by discussing the reasons why people spend more time away from their families and the effects of this trend. However, the response lacks depth and needs to address the prompt more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are presented in a coherent manner. However, some ideas are not fully developed, and the connections between sentences could be strengthened for a more cohesive flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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