IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #countries #work #people #children #benefit #life
Nowadays, a lot of families
maigrates
Correct your spelling
migrate
 to varied countries
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
purpose
Add an article
the purpose
show examples
 of work, but some people
inclined
Add a missing verb
are inclined
show examples
 to believe that those
circimstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 have a
distuctive
Correct your spelling
destructive
distinctive
 impact on kids,
while
 others think that it's a great opportunity for them.
This
 essay will examine both views and explain why
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
these conditions can cause a damaging influence on
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
To begin
 with, minors usually struggle with moving from
motherland
Correct pronoun usage
their motherland
show examples
, because of instant changings and it has resulted
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in depression and other mental problems, which has possibly led to issues in studying and adapting to new conditions.
For example
,
adolescent
Correct article usage
an adolescent
show examples
 of the age of 14, who was forced to leave his origin country, which means
to forget
Change the verb form
forgetting
show examples
 old school and friends will probably face a lot of problems and,
as a consequence
, get traumatized.
On the other hand
, a huge amount of people
inclined
Add a missing verb
are inclined
show examples
 to believe, that advantages can
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 disadvantages. Despite some difficulties, moving can be beneficial in case your child accepted your
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
 and agreed with it completely.
As a result
, he will not suffer in the future and adapting to
a new life conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
new life conditions
a new life condition
show examples
 will
procceed
Correct your spelling
proceed
 well, which has led to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stable mental health.
To conclude
, parents need to remember that health is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way more essential than money, so they have to approach the question of migration with all awareness and wise to
constract
Correct your spelling
contract
construct
 warm relationships with their minors
Submitted by ksvid49 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: