IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
 shows a Bar graph the how
people
Use synonyms
 spend their time at different
ages
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 . It is clear from the graph that they have three categories
also
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, five different
ages
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 in the UK in 2004.
According to
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 what is shown, those under the age of 30 spend more in a restaurant and
hotels
Use synonyms
 approximately 14% than in
food
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 and
drink
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 , and
entertainment
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 about 5%. For
people
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 31-45
ages
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 the
food
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 and
drink
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 ,restaurant and hotel about more than 10%
while
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entertainment
Use synonyms
 is less than 10%.
People
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 in 46-60 age they spending
food
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 and
drink
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 more than 15%
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
but restaurants and
hotels
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, and
entertainment
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 are less than 15%.
People
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 61-75
ages
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 they spending
food
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 and
drink
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, and
entertainment
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 more than 20%
while
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 restaurants and
hotels
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 are less than 5%. Eventually,
people
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 76
ages
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 and more they spending in
food
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 and
drink
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 more than 20%
while
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entertainment
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 less than 15% at least restaurant and hotel less than 5%.
To sum up
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, we could say that for all
ages
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 the favourite spending a
food
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 and
drink
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then
Linking Words
entertainment
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then
Linking Words
 restaurants and
hotels
Use synonyms
 in the UK in 2004.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, ages, hotels, food, drink, entertainment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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