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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Information is presented by a bar chart which compares the total spending on three particular purposes, classified by 5 different
age
Use synonyms
 groups of citizens in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
while
Linking Words
 the popularity of
food
Use synonyms
 and drink, and
entertainment
Use synonyms
 increased as
people
Use synonyms
 got older, the demand for
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
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 changed in the opposite direction. Turning to the first main feature,
people
Use synonyms
 who were under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old were the majority
group
Use synonyms
 that spent on
restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
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hotels
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, amounting to just below 15% of the total spending,
whereas
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 in the 61-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 spent on
this
Linking Words
 category the least, accounting for approximately 2%.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a little more than 10% of the total spending which was contributed by
people
Use synonyms
 who were in the 31-45 and 46-60
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 equally. Turning to another main feature, in terms of
food
Use synonyms
 and drink, there was only just above 5% of the total spending, paid by
people
Use synonyms
 who were under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the expenditure ratio rose as the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 was higher. The largest proportion of spending on
food
Use synonyms
 and beverage was about 23%, contributed by
people
Use synonyms
 who were 76
years
Use synonyms
 old or over. Focusing
further
Linking Words
 on the
last
Linking Words
 category (
entertainment
Use synonyms
), the proportion of the total disbursement grew when
people
Use synonyms
 were older. There was just a little more than 5%, spent by
people
Use synonyms
 who were below 30
years
Use synonyms
 old on
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio of the spending on
entertainment
Use synonyms
 rose to around 23% for
people
Use synonyms
 who were in
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, which is the highest percentage and
also
Linking Words
 the same number as that for
people
Use synonyms
 in
more-than-76
Correct article usage
the more-than-76
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 who spent on
food
Use synonyms
 and beverage.
Submitted by hayfa.alkhalifa1 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, food, entertainment, people, years, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "a little more than" was used 2 times.
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