The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
These two charts indicate the difference between
adults
in 1958 from 2008
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and show the percentage of
time
that
adults
spent on different activities.
First,
two of the main parts in both charts are working and sleeping in overview, and the most difference between the two charts is the times of relaxing and going out with friends and family.
Second,
people in 2008 spent 9% more of their
time
working than in 1958;
however
, they slept 7% less than in 1958. It indicates that people in 2008 might be more tired than in 1958.
Finally
,
due to
a lack of sleep,
adults
in 2008 spent 5% more of their
time
relaxing at home.
Also
, the
time
of going out with friends or family dramatically declined by about 13% in 2008.
In addition
, the
time
of travel to work increase
4
Change preposition
by 4
show examples
%. It indicates that
adults
in 2008 might live far from the place where they worked.
Submitted by weipower1108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, time with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "indicate" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: