IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These two charts indicate the difference between
adults
Use synonyms
 in 1958 from 2008
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and show the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 that
adults
Use synonyms
 spent on different activities.
First,
Linking Words
two of the main parts in both charts are working and sleeping in overview, and the most difference between the two charts is the times of relaxing and going out with friends and family.
Second,
Linking Words
people in 2008 spent 9% more of their
time
Use synonyms
 working than in 1958;
however
Linking Words
, they slept 7% less than in 1958. It indicates that people in 2008 might be more tired than in 1958.
Finally
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of sleep,
adults
Use synonyms
 in 2008 spent 5% more of their
time
Use synonyms
 relaxing at home.
Also
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 of going out with friends or family dramatically declined by about 13% in 2008.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 of travel to work increase
4
Change preposition
by 4
show examples
%. It indicates that
adults
Use synonyms
 in 2008 might live far from the place where they worked.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicate" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: