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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country

The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country
The table gives information about how dairy products were
consumpted
Correct your spelling
consumed
 weekly by age group in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 European country. The data
measured
Add a missing verb
was measured
show examples
 in
ml
Use synonyms
 s for
milk
Use synonyms
, grams for
butter
Use synonyms
 and percentages for full and
law
Correct your spelling
low
show examples
 fat for different
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the index of
milk
Use synonyms
 consumption for
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
over 65 was more considerable than the same figure for other ages. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who eat
butter
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 dramatically
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 others. Looking at the details, the number of
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged over 65
drunk
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
 1900
ml
Use synonyms
milk
Use synonyms
 weekly, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
contained 30 % full-fat,
20
Correct word choice
and 20
show examples
 % low-fat and
this
Linking Words
 index showed the leading position in the group. The quantity of
milk
Use synonyms
 consumption of
people
Use synonyms
 between 26-45 and 45-65 had 1650 and 170
ml
Use synonyms
accordingly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 25 and under 25
people
Use synonyms
drunk
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
 1200ml weekly. The figure for
butter
Use synonyms
 of 45-65 aged
people
Use synonyms
 was doubled of the same index for
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 65 and over 65 (30g). The number of
butter
Use synonyms
 consumption for
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 25 and under 25 was 12,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 indication grew by 7 for
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 26-45.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ml, milk, butter, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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