SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HAVING A SET RETIREMENT AGE (Example 65 YEARS) FOR EVERYBODY, REGARDLESS OF OCCUPATION, IS UNFAIR. THEY BELIEVE THAT A CERTAIN WORKERS DESERVE TO RETIRE AND RECEIVE A PENSION AT AN EARLIER AGE. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? WHICH TYPE OF WORKERS DO YOU THINK SHOULD BENEFIT FROM EARLY RETIREMENT?

#people #retirement #age #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit

There is a considerable bias when it comes to

old

Add a hyphen

old-age

show examples

age

pensions

One

school of thought believes that a set pre-decided

age

regardless of any

employement

Correct your spelling

employment

is fair. On the other, there is a group of people who

Change the verb form

are

show examples

seen opposing the trend and advocates for different pension ages

correspondes

Correct your spelling

corresponding

toiling

Add an article

the toiling

a toiling

show examples

level of employment.

However

, I found myself agreeing with the latter standpoint and

believes

Wrong verb form

believing

show examples

that some set of employment deserves early

pensions

To begin

with, being in some particular employment is not

facile

Add an article

a facile

show examples

set of

work

. It requires lots of dedication,

Correct word choice

and persevarances

show examples

persevarances

Correct your spelling

perseverance

to be in that particular job.

For instance

, being a sportsperson requires immense toil and perspiration. They have to be in good form,

otherwise

, they will be easily replaced by another.

Due to

faltering growth curves, they are the

one

requires

Correct pronoun usage

who requires

show examples

early retirement

age

as they are the

one

who

imperil

Change the verb form

imperils

show examples

their entire lifestyle.

Secondly

, some set of jobs requires intense hard

work

and even there's a risk to

one

lives

Fix the agreement mistake

life

show examples

. Another example is of air-pilots,

due to

excess exposure to radiation during flights there's a restriction to

work

for only five years. After having excessive training they only get to

work

for

few

Correct article usage

a few

show examples

years. In

such

a scenario, a pilot cannot wait for him to be 65 years old to get his pension. They should get early

pensions

to keep their lives going on.

Therefore

, I believe that

one

should get

old aged

Add a hyphen

old-aged

show examples

pensions

in accordance with the nature of jobs they perform rather than getting

pension

Correct article usage

a pension

show examples

only after pre-set

age

. Doing so

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will encourage people to take more adventurous careers so as to get early benefits.

Submitted by simranjeetkaur.86.68 on Thu May 25 2023

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Although many countries are becoming richer, these societies still have members who are poor and struggle each day to survive. why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer citizens ?

Some people prefer to work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say learners should start their debating and presentation skills in their early age rather than in their higher institutes. To what extent you agree.