IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You are temporarily moving to a new city for your job. You will be there for three months, and you would like to rent some accommodation for your stay. Write to an accommodation rental office. In your letter •Tell them how long you are staying •Describe the type of accommodation you would like •Explain what facilities you will need nearby

Dear Sir. I am writing an email to rent accommodation. I will be coming to your city next week and staying there for three months. I want accommodation near the center city, near the bus stoped, and restaurants. Because I just alon so I need a small place, but the area has a window and it has lots of light, and it is a quiet place. I want
such
Linking Words
 accommodation for my work request to reach many people, to introduce a new product. The benefits when staying near the bus stoped, are it will support me in organising work, and simply move to many other places. I have the habit of exercising in the morning, so I need the room to lose light and quiet. I want to enjoy dishes in your city, so my room is near restaurants. With all the above requirements, could you tell me about the price? Thank you in advance for your help. Sincerely. Ms Tam.

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task achievement
The letter somewhat achieves the task, but lacks adequate detail regarding the type of accommodation desired, and the explanations are not fully clear or expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a more conventional greeting and closing, such as 'Dear [specific name or title]' and 'Yours faithfully/sincerely,' when addressing the recipient in a formal letter.
coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea. While there was an attempt to structure the letter, the ideas were not well-developed or distinct to each paragraph.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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