Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Generally, Each gender has an impact on strengths and weaknesses.
Therefore
, The
professions'
Replace the word
professionals'
show examples
lives will be determined by their sex. Certainly, I strongly agree with
this
statement.
Hence
, I would like to share an idea of how the identity of each gender influences an occupation.
Firstly
, the mass and density of the females’ muscles appear weaker when compared to males.
Therefore
, the proper occupation of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
stronger sex should be labour-intensive work because of the more physique power needed.
For example
, the sporter needs to mainly have the basis of stronger health to get a win in the competition.
Furthermore
, males can solve math and physics problems better since the size of the brain is
huger
Correct word choice
bigger
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.
For instance
, The representation of physics olympiad competitors who have been through harsh competitions all high-school students will consist of a larger number of men than the others.
On the contrary
, greater sexual attraction usually appears in females since they attempt to take care of themselves better,
this
can assist them in persuading more clients to look for the products.
As a result
, the attracted sex becomes a factor
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
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the merchandise that depends on the brand ambassador.
Furthermore
, the deep collection of details is an important characteristic of the woman who would like to make
such
a beautiful something.
Therefore
, the fashion design will be suitable for the gender having these habits.
To conclude
, the man
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
more physical strength and better thinking processes but women can achieve fine jobs and attract people.
Consequently
, some careers should be influenced by sexual factors.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is unclear and lacks a clear thesis statement. It is important to clearly state your position and provide a preview of the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay does not provide a conclusion. A conclusion is necessary to summarize the main points and restate your position.
Task Achievement
The main points in the essay lack sufficient development and examples to support the ideas presented. Provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are some errors in grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay. Review the use of tenses, subject-verb agreement, and word choice.
Lexical Resource
The essay lacks a range of vocabulary and relies on repetitive language. Expand your vocabulary and use synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition.
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