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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the levels of employment in different sectors of the UK economy from 1910 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the levels of employment in different sectors of the UK economy from 1910 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#levels #employment #sectors #uk #economy #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given pie charts represent the number and employment rate of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 on different job schedules in the UK market between 1988 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 worked mostly
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 full-time occupations,
although
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
placed
Add a missing verb
were placed
show examples
part-time
Change preposition
in part-time
show examples
 positions in the economy of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 who were working on a job
much
Add a missing verb
were much
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher than
the
Change the word
their
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 counterpart. In 1988, just above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
Use synonyms
men
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
 population worked as full-time
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 (%53) which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 12,539 males.
This
Linking Words
 ratio decreased slightly to %47, but the number of full-time male workers increased to 13,794.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the ratio of part-time male employees only took 6 per cent in 1988 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only increased by 1%, eventually, reached roughly two
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 individuals 24 years later.
In contrast
Linking Words
, from 1988 to 2012, the number of part-time
women
Use synonyms
 employees rose by approximately three
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 equal to roughly one-fourth of the female community.
In addition
Linking Words
, 22% of
women
Use synonyms
 worked as part-time employees before
this
Linking Words
 declined by 2%, but increased by around 700 female workers in 2012.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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