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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, towns, and rural areas in 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, towns, and rural areas in 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #australia #cities #towns #areas #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two charts below display information about the percentages of living in
cities
Use synonyms
,
towns
Use synonyms
, and rural
towns
Use synonyms
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 between 1950 and 2010, in terms of （按照）those born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and those born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in a city was far more common for both groups of
people
Use synonyms
 in 1950 and 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 of both groups increased over the period. In 1950, around 50% of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
cities
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
towns
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 around 30% lived in rural areas. by 2010, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 had dramatically increased to approximately 65%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural areas dropped a little bit over 15% each.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 born outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 who lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 was around 65% in 1950 and 80% in 2010. Notably, a significant portion of those who weren't born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural areas in 1950 (40%);
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped substantially in 2010 to around 5%.
Submitted by caelumz1121 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, towns, australia, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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