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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, towns, and rural areas in 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of people born in and outside of Australia living in cities, towns, and rural areas in 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #people #australia #cities #towns #areas #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two charts below display information about the percentages of living in
cities
,
towns
, and rural
towns
 in
Australia
 between 1950 and 2010, in terms of （按照）those born in
Australia
 and those born outside
Australia
.
Overall
, the number of
people
 who live in a city was far more common for both groups of
people
 in 1950 and 2010.
Moreover
, the percentage of
people
 who live in
cities
 of both groups increased over the period. In 1950, around 50% of
people
 born in
Australia
 lived in
cities
. Meanwhile, 20% of
people
 born in
Australia
 lived in
towns
,
in contrast
 around 30% lived in rural areas. by 2010, the number of
people
 living in
cities
 had dramatically increased to approximately 65%,
while
 the percentage of
people
 living in
towns
 and rural areas dropped a little bit over 15% each.
On the contrary
, the percentage of
people
 born outside of
Australia
 who lived in
cities
 was around 65% in 1950 and 80% in 2010. Notably, a significant portion of those who weren't born in
Australia
 lived in
towns
 and rural areas in 1950 (40%);
however
,
this
 figure dropped substantially in 2010 to around 5%.
Submitted by caelumz1121 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, towns, australia, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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