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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
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The given bar graph reveals the amount of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 of a population in a week
according to
Linking Words
 their sex and employment status between 1998-1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 who were part-
time
Use synonyms
 employees or
housewives
Use synonyms
 had more spare
time
Use synonyms
 rather than their male counterparts.
In contrast
Linking Words
, unemployed, retired or full-
time
Use synonyms
 worked
males
Use synonyms
 had much more free
time
Use synonyms
 than the female group. From 1998 to 1999, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for
males
Use synonyms
 was demonstrated for employed part-
time
Use synonyms
 and
housewives
Use synonyms
 categories. Employed part-
time
Use synonyms
 worked
females
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, had approximately 40
hours
Use synonyms
 of spare
time
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
relatively
Add a missing verb
was relatively
show examples
 higher for
housewives
Use synonyms
. Nearly 50
hours
Use synonyms
free
Change preposition
of free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 per week was recorded for
housewives
Use synonyms
 in the period of 1998-99. Full-
time
Use synonyms
 employed
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 both had the least
hours
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 compared to their other gender groups. Men had extra 10
hours
Use synonyms
 than women in the group of full-
time
Use synonyms
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, unemployed and retired
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 had the most significant leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in 1998-1999.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the extra
time
Use synonyms
 for both genders
relatively
Add a missing verb
is relatively
show examples
 equal for each
groups
Change to a singular noun
group
show examples
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, females, housewives, males, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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