IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average retirement age of males and females in six countries in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given table illustrates the average
age
Use synonyms
 of men and women when they retired in 6 countries namely: Australia, the USA, Japan, Italy, France and Korea in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, Korea had the highest retirement
age
Use synonyms
, as compared to others
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for France. Looking at the table for more detail, Australian and American males retired at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average
age
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 65
years
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for females was approximately 64
years
Use synonyms
. The average retirement
age
Use synonyms
 of men in Japan was 67
years
Use synonyms
 and a
third,
Linking Words
which was more than 7
months
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 figure for women in
this
Linking Words
 nation.
Besides
Linking Words
, males and females in Korea retired at the average
age
Use synonyms
68
Change preposition
of 68
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 and 8
months
Use synonyms
, and 67
years
Use synonyms
 and 2
months
Use synonyms
, respectively. Moving to Italy,
while
Linking Words
 the average retirement
age
Use synonyms
 of men in Italy was 58
years
Use synonyms
 and 2
months
Use synonyms
, these statistics for women
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less by 11
months
Use synonyms
. These figures for French males and females were the lowest at around 57
years
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years, months with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • gender disparity
  • average
  • countries
  • comparisons
  • illustrates
  • features
  • trends
  • outliers
  • noteworthy
  • notable differences
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • legal factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: