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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #report #university #lecturer #information
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The graph illustrates the quantity of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 spent by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 of various employment
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
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 for one year ( between 1998 and 1999)
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that most of the
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 enjoyed by unemployed and retired people. Among these types of individuals,
time
Use synonyms
 for entertainment activities was spent by men (90
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
) rather than women (70
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
). The male employers, who had a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 spent nearly 50
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
 and women more than 30
hours
Use synonyms
 was spent for
leisure
Use synonyms
.
Interesting
Correct article usage
An interesting
show examples
 fact
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 individuals that didn’t
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
temperament
Correct article usage
a temperament
show examples
 job spent less
time
Use synonyms
 for the rest.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 female employers spent their
time
Use synonyms
 for
leisure
Use synonyms
 about 40
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
.
Another types
Replace the adjective
Another type
Other types
show examples
 of people
such
Linking Words
 as housewives, spent 10
hours
Use synonyms
 more
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities (nearly 50
hours
Use synonyms
 a
week
Use synonyms
) than part-
time
Use synonyms
 female employers
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year.
Submitted by shansharova.assel on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, time, hours, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time
  • part-time
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • disparity
  • illustrates
  • depicts
  • comparison
  • significant
  • notable
  • approximately
  • contrast
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • analyze
  • evaluate
  • data
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