Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their choosen profession. What factors may have caused this situation and what is your opinion, should be done about it?

Nowadays,more and more
people
trying new , enjoyable and dangerous
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
instead
of old and common hobbies
such
as playing football . These
activities
have more
stugle
Correct your spelling
struggle
and
that is
what peoples want it .
However
, is the development positive , or are there more drawbacks than advantages
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In
this
essay , I will look at the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
triying challing
Correct your spelling
trying challenging
activities
and I will give my own opinion about development . Let's begin
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
looking at the reason that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
why
chousing
Correct your spelling
choosing
show examples
extreme
activities
such
as climbing
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
show examples
and
bunge
Correct your spelling
bungee
jumping . The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that
people
have bored
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
doing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
activities
which do
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regularly. Take some male employees ,
for instance
, when they take a break for 2
days
Change noun form
days'
show examples
holiday , some of them have done same
activities
such
as football match . As a
consuquance
Correct your spelling
consequence
,
people
are trying new and
excited
Replace the word
exciting
show examples
activities
because they
tired
Add a missing verb
are tired
show examples
of doing the same things and
hungry
Add a missing verb
are hungry
show examples
for new exciting ones . Turning to the other side of the argument , public concern has
arised
Correct your spelling
arisen
raised
about whether the dangerous
activites'
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
development is positive or not . It
is widely acknowledge
Change the verb form
is widely acknowledged
show examples
that the extreme
activites
' popularity increasing rapidly .
That is
to say ,
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
part of the world , tourism
slided
Correct your spelling
slid
show examples
to the organising of
challing
Correct your spelling
challenging activities
activites
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
easy money . I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that , there were a negative but the benefits of these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of
activities
outweigh
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cons .
To sum up
,
althuogh
Correct your spelling
although
it is clear that
some
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
still going on , my belief it is better for
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
mental
healt
Correct your spelling
health
.
Submitted by steam_ahmet2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: