Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Watching
television
is an activity that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
enjoy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in the morning or at night before going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed. Eating breakfast
while
watching TV
also
become a habit for many
children
. Meanwhile, a lot of
children
also
play
video
games
after dinner
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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night or until midnight. In my opinion, watching
television
and playing
video
games
too much does not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial because it will make
children
depression, anxiety, chronic neck and back problems, lower test scores, did not have much time to sleep. Another reason why it is not beneficial, it can
also
take away their time to do some other activities like exercise, reading, and playing with friends. There are
also
a lot of channels on
television
that
children
can not watch
such
as drug or alcohol
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
. But there are
also
some benefits
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
watching
television
and playing
video
games
. Watching
television
can
created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
relaxation and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
feeling. They
also
can learn about live lessons, important values,
socialization
Correct word choice
and socialization
show examples
, and gain a lot of information
while
watching
an educational channels
Correct the article-noun agreement
an educational channel
educational channels
show examples
. Some channels like news, discovery, and
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
event will make them aware of
culture
Add an article
the culture
show examples
and other people. By playing
video
games
, they will figure
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
out about the
games
and think the strategy to win the
games
. In conclusion,
although
children
are enjoy and happy
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
and playing
video
games
, these activities will make their mental health not stable like anxiety and depression. They should do other
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
and socialize with other
children
.
Submitted by natashasulaemann on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
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