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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999. The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.
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The table gives information about the
poverty
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rate
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 in Australia
j n
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in
 1999
according
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toaccording
show examples
 family
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types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
. There are 6 family
types
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 in the table.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
poverty
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rate
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 in all households
Australia
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in Australia
show examples
 in 1999 is 11% which means about 1,837,000 people. Across all family
types
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,
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poverty
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the poverty
show examples
rate
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 is highest in
sole parent
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sole-parent
show examples
families
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 with 21%
whereas
Linking Words
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poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
rate
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 is the lowest in aged couple
families
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 with 4%. comparison of
sole parent
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sole-parent
show examples
families
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 with
couples
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 with
children
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 reveals that
sole parent
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sole-parent
show examples
families
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 experience almost twice as much
poverty
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 as
couples
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 with
children
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. The
poverty
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rate
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 is 21% and 12% respectively. A comparison of
single family
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single-family
show examples
 type with
children
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 and
couples
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 with no
children
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 shows that their
poverty
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rate
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 is 19% and 7% respectively.
This
Linking Words
 means singles with no
children
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 experience almost three times more
poverty
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 than
couples
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 with no
children
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.
Poverty
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 rates aged
couples
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 and single aged person type of
families
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 seem to be rather similar with 4%
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
respectively. The data shows that all
single family
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single-family
show examples
types
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 experience more
poverty
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 than their married counterparts.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words poverty, rate, types, families, couples, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • categories
  • families
  • poverty
  • single-parent
  • childcare
  • income
  • couples
  • dependents
  • older adults
  • pensions
  • unemployed
  • financial resources
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