IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Moreand more city workers are deciding to live in the country and travel into workevery day. The result is increased traffic congestion and damage to theenvironment. What measures do youthink could be taken to encourage people not to travel such long distances intowork?

The number of
people
Use synonyms
 leaving rural areas to live in the suburb is increasing
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, most factories and companies are located in the central area.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
 have to travel a long distance to go to their workplace, which results in traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. And in
this
Linking Words
 essay, some solutions will be included. First of all, we should move some factories to the outskirts of the city to minimize the number of
workers
Use synonyms
 travelling to the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 every
day
Use synonyms
. Living and working both in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 means they need to travel shortly. It
also
Linking Words
 brings convenience and saves time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as technology is developing,
people
Use synonyms
 can work online from home, using technological devices.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to less traffic congestion in the city and it is less harmful to the environment.
Besides
Linking Words
, there is another way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. The government should focus on means of transport, the vehicles that
people
Use synonyms
 use to get to work. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
, encouraging
workers
Use synonyms
ride
Fix the infinitive
to ride
show examples
 eco-friendly vehicles to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide released
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the air and protect the environment. The government can
also
Linking Words
 widen the public transport system so that more
people
Use synonyms
 can get access to these vehicles
such
Linking Words
 as buses,
trains
Correct word choice
and trains
show examples
, ...
This
Linking Words
 method will decrease the number of cars and motorbikes on the street.
Thus
Linking Words
, there will be less traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
 in the suburb travel
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work every
day
Use synonyms
 has led to serious consequences. And the government should take action to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem properly.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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