IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects at university in many countries. (2-part question) Why is this? What effects does this have on society?

With a myriad of career options to choose from nowadays, not a lot of students are opting to study
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 in college.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses what could be the factors that attribute to
such
Linking Words
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendency
show examples
 among
learners
Use synonyms
 and how
this
Linking Words
 could bring with
deluge
Add an article
a deluge
the deluge
show examples
 of repercussions. For a start,/For one thing,(sequencing linker)it could be argued that with globalisation and advancement of technology and business ,there has been a development of
array
Add an article
an array
show examples
 of new courses at universities and professions which could not only provide lucrative compensation , status
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 a good return on investment as opposed to that of
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 years ago when the number of courses a student could choose
as well as
Linking Words
 the chances of employability in
subjects
Use synonyms
 other than sciences
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 extremely restricted.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,/Alongside
this
Linking Words
 , standard
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as Applied Chemistry, Physics and Biology were highly demanding and popular among students with good cognitive competence ,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills ,most of the
learners
Use synonyms
 who lacked the scientific temperament were loathsome /reluctant/unwilling to take up
such
Linking Words
 difficult and mundane
science
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 as they could neither bear with the burden of understanding of complex concepts
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
therefore
Linking Words
 end up mugging up without any conceptual clarity which in turn substantially reduced their grades nor put in so much of patience and persistence in working out
deluge
Add an article
a deluge
the deluge
show examples
 of problems to become experts /to gain expertise.(Give
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
 for
anyone
Change noun form
anyone's
show examples
 point)
However
Linking Words
,/
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,/
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
learners
Use synonyms
 have now understood that they could become subject matter specialists in
subjects
Use synonyms
 other than
science
Use synonyms
 by putting in less
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
. Having said that, what would be more worrisome /a far more serious concern would be a dearth of Intellectual Scientific
learners
Use synonyms
 and researchers with few people pursuing careers in
science
Use synonyms
 and related fields which could considerably decline /diminish the number of technological discoveries, innovations that could result in a slowdown in economy , business , trade .Give
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
/
This
Linking Words
 could be exemplified by the developing countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 hardly have any advanced technology
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 compelled to import
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific
know how
Add a hyphen
know-how
show examples
 from other nations ,and
that is
Linking Words
 exorbitantly pricey. you can give another point / round off with something relevant but not repetitive.
To conclude
Linking Words
, /In conclusion, even though fewer students are choosing to study
science
Use synonyms
 as they struggle with/grapple with learning the theories, it cannot be denied, /no one can deny that
this
Linking Words
 could lead to a workforce which would lack
Use synonyms
science
Change preposition
of science
show examples
 researchers /
this
Linking Words
 could lead to fewer scientific inventions which could reduce the pace of development of the nation. /
This
Linking Words
 could stifle
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
 which would have to depend on other nations for …….

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: