IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some People believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion.

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
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Today
people
Use synonyms
 watch different
movies
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 and programs on TV in order to entertain
when
Correct pronoun usage
themselves when
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 they are tired of their work. I agree with
somes
Correct your spelling
some
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that cruel
movies
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 and
games
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 impact young
people
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's
behaviors
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behaviours
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while
Linking Words
 other
people
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 claim that these kinds of
films
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 and video
games
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 do not
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The essay will be discussed both options and provided relevant examples. Presently,
youngs
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young
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 watch various
movies
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 and programs on television or play entertainment
games
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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 so as to have a rest when they are tired of their working or studying. Most of them want to show horror
films
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 or play violent
games
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
computer
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. These types of
movies
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 and
games
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 youngsters. When they watch violent
movies
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 on television or play bad effective
games
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 they are being cruel humans.
For example
Linking Words
, I knew a boy whose son
my
Add a missing verb
was my
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neighbors
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbor
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. He liked playing violent
games
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 all day. After
then
Linking Words
 he was being a cruel boy. His parents regretted buying a
computer
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 for his birthday.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 he did not do his homework any more.
However
Linking Words
 other
people
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 believe that horror
films
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 and
games
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 do not impact their children's
behavior
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. Those who do not make
against
Correct pronoun usage
it against
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 their youngsters to watch or play them.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, parents should control their children when they watch
films
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 on TV and play
games
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
. In conclusion, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think that violent
films
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 and video
games
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
effect
Replace the word
affect
show examples
 youngsters'
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
However
Linking Words
 others do not think that they are dangerous for their children's
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. I side with violent
movies
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 and video
games
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 badly for young
people
Use synonyms
. I have tried to
anwer
Correct your spelling
answer
 correctly and provided relevant examples from my experience.
Submitted by dilshod333d on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
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