IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart illustrates the proportion of women, men and children who consume five servings of fruits and vegetables each day in 8 years from 2001 to 2008 in the UK.

The chart illustrates the proportion of women, men and children who consume five servings of fruits and vegetables each day in 8 years from 2001 to 2008 in the UK.
The chart illustrates the proportion of women, men and children who consume five servings of fruits and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 each day in 8 years from 2001 to 2008 in the UK.
overall
Linking Words
, seen women consume fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 the highest percentage
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the proportion
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
eat
Correct pronoun usage
who eat
show examples
 these food items significant increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over the given period.the percentage of women who eat fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 over 20%
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 in 2001. After that, the figure rose steadily and
then
Linking Words
 reached a peak of 35% in 2006, before falling slightly
30
Change preposition
to 30
show examples
% in the final year .In terms of the men and children eating fruit and
vegetables
Use synonyms
, the rate remained relatively stable for the first three years. From
this
Linking Words
 point, the proportion of men increased slightly to 28%
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
 2006 and 2007, before falling to about 26%.A similar pattern
witnessed
Add a missing verb
was witnessed
show examples
children
Change preposition
in children
show examples
 as it reached 27% in 2007 and around 24% in the final year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words vegetables with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: