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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart shows several changes
of
Change preposition
in
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 indicators about
Use synonyms
people’s
Change noun form
people
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 born in
Australia
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 and
were
Change the verb form
was
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 born outside
Australia
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 that living in cities, rural
areas
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 and towns
between
Change preposition
for
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 15 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are significant changes in
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
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 in cities and towns and rural
areas
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 was changed dramatically.
People
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 who are living in rural
areas
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 decreased nearly twice in both
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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to
Change preposition
in
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 2010. In 1995
people
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 that were born in
Australia
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 and living in urban
areas
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 (over 40%) less than
people
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 that were born outside
Australia
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 (60%)
According to
Linking Words
 the chart
people
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that
Correct word choice
apply
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living in towns
to
Change preposition
in
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 2010 declined slightly
additionally
Linking Words
 in
1995
Add a comma
,1995
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 the graph presents 20% of
people
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 that were born in
Australia
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 and under 20% of
people
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 that were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, areas, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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