IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #schools #science #subjects
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Undoubtedly, most countries encourage students to develop various interests in
this
Linking Words
 generation, Via providing different academic
subjects
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been becoming more and more irreplaceable.
Whereas
Linking Words
 some people consider
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 funding should be spent on one major subject like
science
Use synonyms
, others consider that
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 more diverse. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 does not the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
Use synonyms
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 for all students;
therefore
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should not simply focus on it.
In other words
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of students have
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own good
subjects
Use synonyms
 like math and art, biology and so on.
For instance
Linking Words
, I was not very talented
Use synonyms
science
Change preposition
in science
show examples
 when I was a student and my exam score
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 is at the bottom of my college from time to time.
However
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, I prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
art and often win an award at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various international competition.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,it makes me gain a sense of achievement
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 other
subjects
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 pay attention to the technology industry;
thus
Linking Words
,
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
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 environment was under the influence of it. To be more specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enterprise give willing to offer the higher salary to
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 than
Change preposition
in other
show examples
other area
Change the wording
another area
other areas
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 a study
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 National Taiwan University, more than 70’% of fresh
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 choose to enter
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 company
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
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 high income.
As a result
Linking Words
, when
government
Use synonyms
 do not control the balance for each
area
Change noun form
area's
show examples
 funding, the talent will have a huge imbalance. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I disagree that
government
Use synonyms
 education funding for
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should be spent on
science
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
.
Submitted by hugs.fillet.0d on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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