IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Women can do everything that men can and they even do it better. they also can do many things that man cannot. But it is a fact that their work is not appreciated as much as men’s, although they have to sacrifice a lot for their family and career. It is said a woman’s place is in the home what do you think?

#women #men #man #fact #work #men’s #sacrifice #career #woman’s #place #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Women
Use synonyms
 have shown that they have the capability to do numerous things better than
men
Use synonyms
 and even do those that
men
Use synonyms
 cannot. Unfortunately,
while
Linking Words
 they have done lots of incredible things at the cost of affecting their family or career, they are not appreciated as much as they deserve. I am strongly against the opinion that
women
Use synonyms
 should be restricted in home chores and believe that they play more crucial roles. How
women
Use synonyms
 are both physically and mentally different from
men
Use synonyms
 is an undeniable fact.
Due to
Linking Words
 their nature, they are more patient, making them better options for careers like teachers in which they deal with children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in Islamic countries like Iran,
due to
Linking Words
 some religious limitations, there are some job vacancies that should be fulfilled just by
women
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, only
women
Use synonyms
 are allowed to be
woman’s
Change noun form
woman
show examples
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is why females have made noticeable
progressIn
Correct your spelling
progress
 in these fields. If
women
Use synonyms
restricted
Add a missing verb
are restricted
show examples
 in home chores, it may lead to negative consequences. First of all, these limitations affect their mood, resulting in
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 effects on
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 family, like depression.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 world
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 lots of people struggle with financial problems, if females do not work,
Add an article
the family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 lose one of their income sources.
This
Linking Words
 approach may lead to
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
show examples
 burden for
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 more pressure on
men
Use synonyms
. Some may argue that woman would better
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
put their energy
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 home chores, but it is not sound rational since If it had not been for woman’s progress in
scientific
Add an article
the scientific
show examples
 world, we would not have benefited from our current situation.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
women
Use synonyms
 have proved how they are able to strike a balance between all their responsibilities. In conclusion, I
strongly
Add a missing verb
am strongly
show examples
 against the opinion that
women
Use synonyms
 should be restricted in
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
 and think as they have the potential to do numerous things better than
men
Use synonyms
, they deserve
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to be appreciated and supported.
Submitted by f.farkhany71 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: