Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health.

#children #tv #video #games #think #activities #child’s #health

It is certainly true that today

children

spend a significant amount of time in front of Television and play

video

games

. I totally agree with the statement, I believe

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

video

games

and

can have

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

negative consequences on

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

mental

health

inculding

Correct your spelling

including

encourage

Wrong verb form

encouraging

show examples

children

to adopt

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

increase

Correct word choice

and increase

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental

health

issues.

To begin

with, there are several reasons why I believe that

play

Replace the word

playing

show examples

video

games

and

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

can

leads

Change the verb form

lead

show examples

to harmful impacts on

mental

Add an article

the mental

show examples

health

children

Firtsly

Correct your spelling

Firstly

, some

video

games

and

programs

shows

Change the verb form

show

show examples

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

about violent images and motivate

children

to hold guns and

commite

Correct your spelling

commit

crime.

For example

, the Call Of Duty is

popular

Correct article usage

a popular

show examples

video

game among

children

this

game incentive

children

to have weapons and kill police officers and teach them strategies to escape from justice.

Therefore

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

games

and

programs can spread violent behaviour

amoung

Correct your spelling

among

children

and

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

their mental

health

and leads to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

rate of crime

Change preposition

among

show examples

minors.

Secondly

, the play

video

games

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

progarms

Correct your spelling

programmes

can make

children

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more likely to develop mental

health

issues namely, depression, anxiety, introvert.

This

is because

children

spend a considerable amount of time in front of

these technology

Change the determiner

this technology

these technologies

show examples

rather than interact with their peer or their parents especially,

children

Change preposition

show examples

crucial

Correct article usage

a crucial

show examples

stage

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because the brain of

children

phase

Add an article

the phase

a phase

show examples

of development.

Furthermore

, these

technology

Change the determiner

technologies

show examples

contain electric waves ,which can

interefere

Correct your spelling

interfere

with

growth

Add an article

the growth

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

brain, which means they may be

children

get

unkown

Correct your spelling

unknown

mental problems in future. In conclusion, I strongly believe that

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

video

games

and

watch

Wrong verb form

watching

show examples

can have adverse impacts on

mental

Add an article

the mental

show examples

health

children

namely,

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

violence

as well as

depression and anxiety.

Submitted by faiz3177 on Sun Jun 18 2023

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health.

Your opinion

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

Some think the current generation should take steps to protect the environment for the next generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby, To what extend do you think this is a possible trend?

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?