IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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There are two different
bar
Use synonyms
 graphs given which demonstrate
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
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 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 living in urban, rural and
towns
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 between 1995 and 2010. The
bar
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 graph shows the different values of the population living in
Australia
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 and outside the
country
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. As can be analyzed, the first
bar
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 graph includes that in 1995
people
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 born in
Australia
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 50%
live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in
cities
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, 20%
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in
towns
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 and 30%
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in rural
areas
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 in 1995
people
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 born outside
Australia
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 60% live in
cities
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, 15% live in
towns
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 and 40%
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in rural
areas
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 of the
country
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. Another
bar
Use synonyms
 graph for 2010 includes that
people
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 born in
Australia
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 65% live in
cities
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, 15% live in
towns
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 and 15% live in rural
areas
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
 with 2010
people
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 born outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
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 80% live in
cities
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, 10% live in
towns
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 and 5% live in rural
areas
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 of the
country
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, in comparison to the 1995 and 2010
bar
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 graphs
people
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 born in and outside
Australia
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 live in
towns
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 increases which are born outside
Australia
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 and
people
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 born in
Australia
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 have less number of
people
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 live in
towns
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, rural
areas
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 of the
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bilaltip2000 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, people, australia, towns, country, cities, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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