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Band 4.5

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in UK, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2002.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in UK, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2002.
#minutes #billions #telephone #uk #three #categories
As is presented in the
diagram
 gives us information about cellphone calls in the UK with the total number of minutes in billions which are divided into 3
categories
: 1) Local – fixed
line
; 2) National and international – fixed
line
; 3) Mobiles (all calls), over a
period
 of 7 years between 1995-2002. It is clear from the
diagram
, that in 1995 these 3
categories
 are presented with the least indicator
such
 as mobiles with over 3 per
cent
, national and international – fixed
line
as well as
 over 37 per
cent
, and it is obvious from the
diagram
 that these 2
categories
 are the lowest indicators during
these 7 years
Change the determiner
this 7 years period
these 7 years periods
show examples
period
 and the
last
 category local fixed
line
 belongs with over 72% which
equal
Replace the word
equates
show examples
 to indicator in 2002. In the
last
 year of
this
period
, as the
diagram
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 these 2
categories
 grew up by
this
period
.
Mobiles
Replace the word
Mobile
show examples
 indicator
equal
Add a missing verb
is equal
show examples
 to 45 per
cent
, and
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 and international – fixed
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 equal to 61 per
cent
. The highest indicators during these years
resides
Change the verb form
reside
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2002.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diagram, categories, line, period, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number
  • minutes
  • telephone calls
  • UK
  • divided into
  • categories
  • from
  • to
  • overall
  • increased significantly
  • local fixed-line calls
  • accounted for
  • largest proportion
  • throughout
  • period
  • international calls
  • highest rate of growth
  • experiencing
  • sharp increase
  • national long-distance calls
  • remained relatively stable
  • slight decline
  • towards
  • end
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