Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #copy #behaviour #celebrities #food #drink #habits

It is generally said that youngsters always follow the path of eminent celebs,

therefore

it is the onus of celebrities to advertise hygienic food

as well as

drinks and unhealthy things

such

as cigarettes should not be promoted. In my opinion, it can be appropriate for the public but inaccurate for social influencers. Young

people

always follow their role models who are generally renowned celebs, so definitely They should watch out always

that

Change preposition

for

show examples

what they are promoting in adverts as it will affect the young generation.

For instance

, An eminent person Sharukh Khan recently promoted a product named "best tobacco" and a lot of

people

followed him and purchased the same product which we know is detrimental to health.

Apart from

this

, Many famous personalities

also

do work for money and to earn they help some companies to advertise their products, whether, these are suitable or improper for individuals.

Moreover

, youth blindly

trusts

Correct subject-verb agreement

trust

show examples

them because they are well-known

people

and the community thinks whatever they are doing is cool

instead

of inappropriate.

On the contrary

, these celebrities should have the freedom to choose whatever they want in life. Not only celebrities can lead society in a positive way, but youngsters

also

should understand what is wrong or right. Young ones are mature enough and it should be their responsibility to observe their surroundings.

Although

these eminent souls are leaders of today's youngsters and whether promoting bad or unhealthy things, young

people

should not blindly trust them.

Thus

this

should be the onus of the young generation

Change preposition

apply

show examples

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

what they are eating and what is good or bad for their development. To summarise, I partially agree that these stars should only portray good things in commercials. Their liberty

also

matters.

However

people

should be aware of themselves and should not follow blindly their role models.

Submitted by jaspreetkaur45047 on Fri Jun 23 2023

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coherence cohesion

Focus on developing a more coherent and well-structured introduction and conclusion.

task achievement

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion directly address the task prompt, and provide clear and specific examples to support your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorsement
influence
lifestyle
consciousness
social responsibility
regulation
liberty
supply and demand
unintended consequences
critical thinking
brand image
nutrition
public figure
health advocacy
restrictions
moderation
consumer behavior
market forces
ethical advertising
personal brand

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Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The crime rate among teenager has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons with this increase and suggest solutions.

Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to a friend to ask him/her to develop a website for your business. In your letter: Give a brief description of the business Mention what you’d like to be there on the website Provide some ideas on the use of images on the website.