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Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is generally said that youngsters always follow the path of eminent celebs,
therefore
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 it is the onus of celebrities to advertise hygienic food
as well as
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 drinks and unhealthy things
such
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 as cigarettes should not be promoted. In my opinion, it can be appropriate for the public but inaccurate for social influencers. Young
people
Use synonyms
 always follow their role models who are generally renowned celebs, so definitely They should watch out always
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 what they are promoting in adverts as it will affect the young generation.
For instance
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, An eminent person Sharukh Khan recently promoted a product named "best tobacco" and a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 followed him and purchased the same product which we know is detrimental to health.
Apart from
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this
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, Many famous personalities
also
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 do work for money and to earn they help some companies to advertise their products, whether, these are suitable or improper for individuals.
Moreover
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, youth blindly
trusts
Correct subject-verb agreement
trust
show examples
 them because they are well-known
people
Use synonyms
 and the community thinks whatever they are doing is cool
instead
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 of inappropriate.
On the contrary
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, these celebrities should have the freedom to choose whatever they want in life. Not only celebrities can lead society in a positive way, but youngsters
also
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 should understand what is wrong or right. Young ones are mature enough and it should be their responsibility to observe their surroundings.
Although
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 these eminent souls are leaders of today's youngsters and whether promoting bad or unhealthy things, young
people
Use synonyms
 should not blindly trust them.
Thus
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,
this
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 should be the onus of the young generation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what they are eating and what is good or bad for their development. To summarise, I partially agree that these stars should only portray good things in commercials. Their liberty
also
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 matters.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware of themselves and should not follow blindly their role models.

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coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a more coherent and well-structured introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion directly address the task prompt, and provide clear and specific examples to support your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsement
  • influence
  • lifestyle
  • consciousness
  • social responsibility
  • regulation
  • liberty
  • supply and demand
  • unintended consequences
  • critical thinking
  • brand image
  • nutrition
  • public figure
  • health advocacy
  • restrictions
  • moderation
  • consumer behavior
  • market forces
  • ethical advertising
  • personal brand
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