IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart bellow shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and proportion of men and women who held them in 1999

The chart bellow shows the different level of post-school qualifications in Australia and proportion of men and women who held them in 1999
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph illustrates the various levels of post-school qualifications among Australian individuals and the ratio of
males
Use synonyms
 and females who held them in 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that rates of skilled vocational diplomas were the highest among Australian
males
Use synonyms
 (over 90%),
whereas
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 rates were minuscule among
women
Use synonyms
 (slightly 10%).
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, it is interesting to note that men (nearly 70%)
also
Linking Words
 lead
women
Use synonyms
 (only 30%) from getting a postgraduate diploma.
In addition
Linking Words
, 60%
Use synonyms
males
Change preposition
of males
show examples
 in Australia got a master’s
degree
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 only 40%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 got an identical
degree
Use synonyms
 in 1999.
However
Linking Words
, the level of
males
Use synonyms
 (nearly 40%) who got undergraduate diplomas was 30% lower in comparison with
women
Use synonyms
 (more than 70%). Despite that proportion, the percentage of people who got a bachelor’s
degree
Use synonyms
, regardless of genes, was slightly equal. To give details, nearly 50% of men acquired a bachelor’s
degree
Use synonyms
 whilst nearly 60% of
women
Use synonyms
 got the same
degree
Use synonyms
 in 1999.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, women, degree with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: