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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of UK citizens in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of UK citizens in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart indicates the expenditure of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups of UK citizens under three different categories in 2004. In general with
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, the demand for food and drink has increased significantly and the need for going to
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 has decreased. It can be observed from the graph that the spending priorities of
individuals
Use synonyms
 changed with
age
Use synonyms
. The
individuals
Use synonyms
 under 30
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 liked to spend their
money
Use synonyms
 more on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
, which is almost 13% of their spending.
This
Linking Words
 is
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the ones between 61 to 75 years of
age
Use synonyms
, as the
individuals
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 category were least interested in spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 which was almost 2% of their spending.
However
Linking Words
, their spending on food, drink
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 relatively higher.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the
individuals
Use synonyms
 in the 76+
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 were more interested in spending
money
Use synonyms
 on food and drink which is approximately 22%, but least interested in spending
money
Use synonyms
 on entertainment or
restaurants
Use synonyms
 and
hotels
Use synonyms
 which is 7% and 12% respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the spending habit of
individuals
Use synonyms
 between the 31 to
45 year
Add a hyphen
45-year
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in all three categories was almost similar to the
individuals
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
46
Correct article usage
the 46
show examples
 to
60 year
Add a hyphen
60-year
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
Submitted by bander445gh on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, restaurants, hotels, individuals, group, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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