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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviour #action
Nowadays, we are confronted with numerous challenges that ask for our attention. One pressing issue that requires our immediate focus is huge debts
due to
 unnecessary and unaffordable shopping. The problem has far-reaching implications for individuals, the environment and society in general.
Nevertheless
, there are some practical and effective resolutions for them which
this
 essay will elaborate on. In regards to
this
 issue, the major reason which can be stated is
advertizing
Correct your spelling
advertising
show examples
.
This
 means,
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 attract
people
 towards their product through their marketing tactics and celebrity
ambassidors
Correct your spelling
ambassadors
. Advertisements create artificial wants. Children and youngsters get affected
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 these advertisements and buy products which are not needed. Sometimes,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 buy products not because they are needed but just because they are on discount.
This
 leads to unintended shopping.
For instance
, my husband recently bought 3 shirts when he needed just 1. His decision was affected by the ongoing offer which said, "Buy 2 get 1 free."
Such
 kind of marketing
gemics
Correct your spelling
gimmicks
genomics
 fools the consumers. Another problematic cause is the availability of
credit
cards
 and facilities like, "Buy now pay Later". Because of these two things,
people
 tend to buy items which they cannot
aford
Correct your spelling
afford
 to buy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that particular moment. To explain
further
, the burden of money is shifted from today to 6/12 months of EMI.
Also
,longer duration leads to a lesser amount of EMIs.
This
 gives consumers false beliefs that the particular commodity is affordable for him/her. To cite an example, most of my friends including me own an iPhone. But none of us bought it by paying
lump
Correct article usage
a lump
show examples
 sum amount. Rather we all bought it only because we had the facility of EMI.
This
 is how,
credit
cards
 and Buy now pay later make a person spend more than his/her financial capacity. Is there any way to reduce the loans for these unwanted and unaffordable buys? Certainly, Yes!
This
 problem can be solved by adding limits on
credit
cards
 or simply closing those
credit
cards
. The reason why
people
 overspend is because banks give them the facility of EMIs. But the moment
this
 facility is not available,
spending
Correct article usage
the spending
show examples
' of
people
 will reduce drastically.
Secondly
, doing offline shopping reduces the choices of EMIs or loans. To give you an example,
while
 doing online shopping I always end up buying more items than needed to get a free delivery.
However
, that's not the case when it comes to going to a local shop.
Moreover
,if you stop or reduce using online banking and start using traditional cash payments
then
 one can see a huge decline in unnecessary and costly shopping. To
recapulate
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
, solving the problem of loans
due to
 unwanted and unaffordable spending is not easy but it can be solved by measures like lesser use of
credit
cards
,offline shopping, using cash payment systems,etc. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate
this
 issue.
Submitted by nidhi.neil on

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Coherence & Cohesion
A more structured approach to organising paragraphs could enhance clarity and flow. Consider introducing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea, followed by explanations and examples. This would help in creating a more logically structured essay.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, it's important to address all parts of the task more explicitly. Besides explaining the reasons for the behavior, ensure that each proposed solution directly corresponds to the reasons mentioned. Matching problems with solutions clearly demonstrates a complete understanding of the task.
Task Achievement
While the essay provides some examples, employing a wider range of specific, detailed examples could further improve the task achievement score. Examples are powerful tools in illustrating points and making the argument more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a more cohesive text, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This would improve the flow of the essay and make the argumentation smoother.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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