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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives the percentage of tourist`s visits for England art galleries,pavilions,piers and festivals in Brighton.

The line graph gives the percentage of tourist`s visits for England art galleries,pavilions,piers and festivals in Brighton.
#line #percentage #tourist`s #visits #england #art #galleries #pavilions #piers #festivals #brighton
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The line graph depicts the information regarding the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 to England who visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
four different attractions in Brighton.The data is calibrated in
percentage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of individuals visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Pavilion in 1995.
Moreover
Linking Words
,few visitors prefer to
went
Change the verb
go
show examples
 to the
Art
Use synonyms
Galleries
Use synonyms
 in 2010. At a fleeting glance,
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Pavilion in 1995 which was 50%
whereas
Linking Words
 less proportion of people visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Art
Use synonyms
Galleries
Use synonyms
 in 2010 which was
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 about 10%.In 1990, the
Art
Use synonyms
Galleries
Use synonyms
 show a decline in the number of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
visited
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the place.Moving ahead, in 2000 tourists who visited to festival
indicate
Wrong verb form
indicated
show examples
 a gradual increase in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 which was almost 30%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,both the places
Art
Use synonyms
Galleries
Use synonyms
 and
Festival
Fix the agreement mistake
Festivals
show examples
 show a decline in 2010 which was 30%.In 1995,
Pier
Correct article usage
the Pier
show examples
 percentile was slowly elevated which was roughly 10%.In 2005,the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of Pier rose rapidly to 20% in 2010.
Interestingy
Correct your spelling
Interestingly
,in 1980 the proportion of visitors who visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Art
Use synonyms
Galleries
Use synonyms
esclated
Correct your spelling
escalated
dramaticallly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, art, galleries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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