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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
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The pie charts reveal
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 working adults with the difference in 50 years. The first thing we can see is that amount of working
time
Use synonyms
 has increased by 9%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent with friends and family decreased by almost three times. The road to work began to take literally forth as much in comparison with 1958.
Whereas
Linking Words
 people start to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 at home, the quantity of duration relaxing at home and sleeping raised
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5% and 7% respectively.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we can highlight, that
time
Use synonyms
 spent playing sports and other hobbies slightly changed, it grows by 2% in 2008 compared to 1958. We can summarise, that in 2008 people spends half of their
time
Use synonyms
 related to work.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they spend 50% of their day either going to work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or at the office.
To sum up
Linking Words
, all the changes in these 50 years are not so considerable.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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