IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that "Employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but the quality of their work". To what extent do you agree or disagree to this belief?

Nowadays, there has been a rise in fashion trends and people have adapted to the changes.
Although
Linking Words
 it is thought that managers should not be worried about the dressing habits of their team
whilst
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
others think it is the
quality
Use synonyms
 of the job that should be considered.I disagree with
this
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 statement and will delve into it
further
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 and give examples as well.
Firstly
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, dressing describes one's personality and how they feel. The type of
cloth
Fix the agreement mistake
clothes
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 one wears to the space of
work
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 tells much about
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
oneself
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 and as well
speak
Correct subject-verb agreement
speaks
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 well about the company.
For instance
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, the attire of nurses and security personnel globally tells a lot about the job and
hence
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, decency is accomplished since you cannot wear anything you want to
work
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.
Furthermore
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, society tends to appreciate the decency of workers and professionals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
dress
Use synonyms
 well and encourage them to continue with the good
work
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. They
also
Linking Words
 serve as role models to the youth and they grow to adopt the same dressing habit.
Hence
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, employers should be
much
Rephrase
very
show examples
 concerned about it.
Secondly
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, indecent dressing behaviour causes rape and sexual harassment and
this
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 meant happens in the workplace when they give freedom to their employees because some people will
dress
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 inappropriately.
On the other hand
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, the
quality
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 of
work
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 members produce is critical for their companies or various professions. Managers should put more energy and effort into the performance of their members to result in good productivity.
However
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, it doesn't mean they should not consider neatness or other aspects of their lives.
For example
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, bankers
work
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 really hard yet they
dress
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 very decent at the workplace.
Therefore
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 both
dress
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 and
quality
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 are needed and can be done for the progress of their companies.
To conclude
Linking Words
, employers should equally be responsible and concerned about the way their workers
dress
Use synonyms
 and the
quality
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 of
work
Use synonyms
 they produce. How a person
Use synonyms
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
 speaks well of his or her personality and that of the profession. It
also
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 helps promote decency and prevent any sexually related harassment in or out of the workplace. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement that employers should not be concerned about the dressing habits of workers but rather the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
work
Use synonyms
 they do.

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clarity
Ensure ideas are more clearly stated and developed throughout the essay. Some points lack clarity and in-depth explanation.
coherence
Work on improving logical structure and flow between paragraphs. Try to make transitions smoother and more natural to improve coherence and cohesion.
support
Refine the use of examples to better support your arguments. More specific and relevant examples can strengthen your points.
clarity
Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure every paragraph contributes a unique point to your overall argument. This will improve both clarity and task response.
introduction and conclusion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which adds to a coherent structure.
balanced viewpoint
You provide a balanced viewpoint by discussing both sides of the argument, showing good task achievement.
relevance and significance
The essay is mostly relevant to the question asked and covers multiple significant points related to the topic.
language clarity
The language used is generally clear and understandable, aiding in effective communication of ideas.
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