IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The pie illustrates the proportion of Yemen and Italy citizens in three different age groups between 2000 and 2050

#proportion #yemen #citizens #three #age #groups
It is clear that
 the proportion of
people
 aged 0-14 in
Yemen
 and Italy tends to decrease. Meanwhile, the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
-59
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Yemen
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 slightly.
By contrast
,
Correct article usage
the populations
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
-59
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Italy
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 significantly. In 2000,the percentage of
people
 aged 0-14
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
Yemen
 accounts for more than half,compared
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 over 14%
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Italy.Only a very small percentage of
people
 in
Yemen
 were over 60 at 3.6%,
in contrast
 to nearly a quarter of the Italy population.The largest group in Italy was the 15-59 year with just over 60%
while
Yemen
 had 46,3% of its population in
this
 group. In 2050 the proportion of
people
 aged 15-59 years old in
Yemen
 went up significantly to 57,3%,in contrast, Italy fell sharply to 46,2%.the number of
people
 in Italy over 60 years old increased to 42,3% higher than
Yemen
 only 5,7%.At the same time, the number of
people
 aged 0-14 in both
Yemen
 and Italy decreased
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: