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Writing Samples
Band 7

the pie charts show the amount of electircity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables of energy in the year 2009.

the pie charts show the amount of electircity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables of energy in the year 2009.
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The four pie charts display all sources of electricity production including sustainable ones in two European countries,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
France
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 in 2009. The unit to measure the electricity is kWh.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the whole electricity produced in
Germany
Use synonyms
 was higher than that of
France
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. It
also
Linking Words
 shows
while
Linking Words
 the main source of
energy
Use synonyms
 production in
Germany
Use synonyms
 was conventional
themal
Correct your spelling
thermal
, in
France
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, it was replaced by nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the key element of renewable resources for
Germany
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 was biomass and wind power,
whereas
Linking Words
 for
France
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 it changed to hydroelectric power. In
Germany
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, biomass accounted for the main source of
energy
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, at almost 60%.
This
Linking Words
 number was far higher than that for
France
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, dropping to one in ten (10.3%). A large amount of
energy
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 in
France
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, more than two-thirds of all resources,
stemed
Correct your spelling
stem
 from nuclear
energy
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,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number for
Germany
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 was around one-quarter. Both
Germany
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 and
France
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 used a quite similar percentage of renewable sources, ranging around 17 to 13 respectively. Moving to sustainable resources, in
France
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, hydroelectric accounted nearly for all renewable energies, at 80.5%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
France
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, in
Germany
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, more than
two-third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
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 of renewable
engeries
Correct your spelling
energies
 contributed to two elements of biomass and wind, at 39.3% and 36.9% respectively. The role of
the
Remove the article
apply
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these two sectors in
France
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 was around 18% combined. Solar
energy
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 comprised 6.1% in
Germany
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, but
this
Linking Words
 number was less than 1% in
France
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. Geothermal was not used in both countries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, france, energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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