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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK
#percentage #terms #patterns #access #technology #homes #uk
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The line graph provided information about the percentage of that
domectically
Correct your spelling
domestically
 engineering is transformed into high tech in UK families.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of using modern equipment
tend
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tends
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 to increase. It is
also
Linking Words
 apparent that there was a rocket in the
number
Use synonyms
 of using mobile
phone
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phones
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. As regards the
first,
Linking Words
in two years from 1996
to1997
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to 1997
, there was no internet access until 1998.
This
Linking Words
 figure
standed
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stood
show examples
 at 10% and
then
Linking Words
 rocketed to over 40%. A similar trend was witnessed in mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Staring
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Starting
show examples
 from under 20%, the data of users increased dramatically year by year. In 2003, the rate of mobile
phone
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phones
show examples
 almost quadrupled,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak of 70%. At the beginning of the given period, both home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and CD players were over 20%. Approximately 30% was the total
number
Use synonyms
 of families using home
computer
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computers
show examples
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 was doubled in CD
player
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players
show examples
. Over the next 7 years, the rates of all both experienced a steady growth,
nearly
Correct article usage
a nearly
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 30% increase. It is noticeable that the
number
Use synonyms
 of families that used CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 always occupied the highest rate.
Submitted by nthien7012 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rocket" was used 2 times.
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