IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph below shows in percentage terms the changing patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
#percentage #terms #patterns #access #technology #homes #uk
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The
graph
Use synonyms
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 percentage terms
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 exchanging patterns of domestic
access
Use synonyms
 to
sophisticated
Add an article
the sophisticated
a sophisticated
show examples
 modern device in houses in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the years
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1996/97 , 1998/99 , 2000/01 and 2002/03.Four
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of technology is
show
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 in the
graph
Use synonyms
(CD player, Mobile
phobe
Correct your spelling
phone
, home computer, internet
access
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
graph
Use synonyms
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
 that the people in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
Change the determiner
every
show examples
 four years (in 1996 was exactly 59
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, in 1998 was increase to 68%, in 2000 was 78
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and in 2002 was 83%).
While
Linking Words
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
 phone
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
flactuate
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
 growth (in 1996 was started
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 exactly 18%, in 1998 was near to 30
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and was stable till
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 was 50% and in 2002 was 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
).
In addition
Linking Words
,the
graph
Use synonyms
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 home computer
Add a missing verb
was choosen
show examples
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
choose
 more than
mobile
Correct article usage
the mobile
show examples
 phone in 1996 but till
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2002 people
prefer
Wrong verb form
preferred
show examples
 to mobile phone.
While
Linking Words
 internet
access
Use synonyms
 was started in 1998 and the
graph
Use synonyms
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
 that people prefer to
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
internet
access
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
.
Submitted by Ayan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, access, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "describe" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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